When Listening Hurts (and Why It's Worth It)

The hardest feedback, the toughest conversations, and even the silence - they may be the very things that build trust, unlock creativity, and change outcomes.

One of the most important lessons I've learned as a leader is this: listening isn't just polite. It's powerful.

And often, it isn't easy.

At Barbour Spangle, we occasionally ask our team for honest, unfiltered feedback.

I'll admit - I love hearing the praise about what's going right. But what I'm really searching for are the harder truths: What's frustrating you? Where are the roadblocks? What could make this a place you never want to leave - not just because you're happy, but because you're truly fulfilled?

The answers can be hard to hear. Sometimes, they sting.

In those moments, I've had to resist the urge to get defensive and instead lead in and ask: "Tell me more."

What I've discovered is that those conversations - the uncomfortable ones - are the very moments that move us forward. They shine a light on blind spots and remind me that leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about creating space for others to speak their truth.

The Client Who Walked Away

This lesson shows up with clients, too.

I'll never forget the time a client came to us with a crystal-clear vision. They told us exactly what they wanted.

But as I listened, I realized their request wasn't really what they wanted - it was what they thought they should do.

I gently offered a different perspective.

They didn't like it.

In fact, they walked away.

Weeks later, the phone rang.

They had been thinking about our conversation. Something about it had unsettled them - in a good way.

That moment turned into a two-year project that exceeded their wildest dreams. In the end, they admitted their original plan would have been a disaster.

That experience reminded me: listening isn't just about taking notes or checking boxes. IT's about hearing what isn't being said - the fear behind the request, the uncertainty beneath the bold vision - and having the courage to hold space until the truth comes forward.

Building Rhythms of Trust

At BSD, we've learned that listening can't just happen when there's a crisis or an annual review. It has to be woven into the fabric of how we work.

That's where Same Page meetings come in.

Each week, our Integrator and I sit down for a dedicated conversation. The goal is simple: to ensure we're truly aligned.

Being on the "same page" means we can trust one another to act in the best interest of the company, whether or not the other is in the room. It means we have each other's backs.

It may sound small, but over time, it has become one of the most critical rhythms in our leadership. These meetings keep us connected, prevent misalignment, and free us up to make decisions confidently.

Listening doesn't always need a dramatic story. Sometimes it's the quiet consistency of these rhythms that builds trust and ability.

The Hardest Conversation of All

Of course, some moments test our values more than others.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, like many companies, we were faced with heartbreaking decisions. Ultimately, we had to furlough part of our team.

That decision was one of the hardest we have ever made. But it was grounded in our values:

1. Relationships First: Caring for the whole company, even when it meant short-term pain.

2. Ownership Mindset: Acknowledging the financial reality and taking responsibility for the future.

3. Be Real: Being honest about the circumstances, even when the truth was heavy.

4. Thirst For Better: Making the decision with the clear goal of bringing our people back as soon as we could.

It was agonizing. Yet even in that season, we learned that listening mattered. Listening to our team's fears. Listening to the data. Listening to our own values.

It didn't erase the pain, but it helped us hold on to trust, even in a painful season.

Listening Beyond Business

Listening has also shaped how I lead in my community.

High Point Discovered (HPD) began as a simple Instagram account - a way to tell the stories of local businesses and creatives in our city. What started as a passion project quickly grew into something bigger.

By listening to the voices of our community - their pride, their struggles, their desire to be seen - HPD evolved into an economic catalyst for our city. Today, it's a nonprofit that uplifts people and businesses, connects neighbors, and reminds us that stories can fuel renewal.

That's the power of listening: it creates ripple effects far beyond what we first imagine.

So what does all of this mean for leaders?

Here's what I've learned:

1. Listening isn't always comfortable. It often hurts.

2. When you lean in with curiosity, you uncover the truth behind the words.

3. Rhythms like Same Page meetings and Quarterly Conversations keep listening alive in the everyday.

4. Acting on what you hear builds trust - in teams, in clients, and in communities.

Over time, I've come to see that feedback isn't a threat - it's intelligence. And listening isn't a weakness at all; it's one of the smartest strategies we have as leaders. And in a world that is changing fast, the leaders and organizations that learn to listen will be the ones that adapt - and thrive - the longest.

What's one way you've seen the power of listening - in your team, your clients, or your community?

See the Good,